Emptied of expectation. Relax. (tinyjo) wrote,
Emptied of expectation. Relax.
tinyjo

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Why are we here?

So, as promised, here it is. The "why do I do this" post. I've been thinking about this for a while. When I visited my parents not so long ago, I was talking about this site with my Mum. She's incredulous that I would put something like this in the public domain and said that she could never read it - that it would feel like an invasion of privacy. Various people have been disappearing and reappearing or thinking about it for various reasons in the blog-sphere recently, leaving me thinking again about why I'm writing this. What do I get out of it?

Part of it is just that I like to be open. My ambition, when I came up to university was to not have to hide my feelings, but to find a group of friends who would accept them. Which I managed to do. And I discovered that directness is like having a weight lifted from you. If you say what you mean (within the bounds of tact where possible of course), you don't have to worry about whether they know what you mean. I wanted, and still want, to be able to own up to all of my opinions and not be scared to discuss or explain them. When I came across LJ it seemed a natural extension of that. Perhaps another way of looking at this is that I want to be public domain. I find it easier to come out with things and discuss them, and I don't mind people knowing how I feel about things, in fact, I prefer it.

But there's another thing, more compelling somehow. When I came to university, I was pretty inexperienced at a lot of things. I was determined to make the transition from being withdrawn to outgoing. So I was determined to be up for things. My way of doing this was say "Yeah" to anything (that I didn't think was too nuts) even if I was a bit nervous about it. And to say that I wasn't nervous about something, that I wanted to do it, helped to make it true. To declare myself gave me the determination to do some things that I might not otherwise have done. Not exciting things, just things that I might not otherwise have done, because I was too lazy or too unsure. And now I have a new place to declare myself. Thanks for listening
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