Emptied of expectation. Relax. (tinyjo) wrote,
Emptied of expectation. Relax.


Thank you all for your kind thoughts on my last post - I really appreciate it. It was a bit stark because I got home from the Caption planning meeting/pub meet to find the message on my answer phone and it just wasn't the end of the day I was expecting. I presume Mum & Dad decided not to ring the mobile figuring that I was out and wouldn't particularly want to know while I was supposed to be being sociable.

It wasn't a shock to anyone because she had a stroke last week which left her in a coma and a decision to withdrawn her drip was made. If she had regained conciousness, obviously they would have reconnected her but otherwise the intention was to let her pass away in peace, which she did. She'd had Altzeimers for many years and hadn't recognised any of us for quite some time and I found that I struggled with feeling that I hoped she would die, which felt heartless even though I could explain why it wasn't really. It was difficult to tell whether or not she was happy really - she'd got to the stage where she wasn't really there but she wasn't really living, just re-living. We agreed a long time ago that the Altzeimers society (or someone like that - can't remember the name) could have bits of her brain to research on so I hope that does some good in a small way.

She was a lovely lady when I was younger though. We used to visit in February half term when I was little and celebrate our birthdays there (my brother is about 2 weeks after me) and we had such fun. She taught me to play Rummy, which she loved and we would do that for hours. She used to tell us stories of the rich eccentric old chap she used to "do" for until she was about 80. By then it was more a company thing - he didn't get her to do very much, but she would go over and cook and they would talk, I think. Anyway. That's how I want to remember her - warm and caring and funny, playing Rummy with me.
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